Facebook. You'd have to say that it's doing pretty well recently. It's quite popular now. Sort of. Ok maybe it's bigger then I am letting on. But with this friend/stalker helper comes some very strange, awkward and funny people. In fact, I have magically conjured up a list of the different types of Facebookers using my brain, some algebra and red jello.
The Detail Killer - This person pretty much spams up your whole wall with posts like 'Eating breakfast' and 'Chucking a dump'. This breed is closely related to the Twitter species.
Sympathy Searcher - Apparently, these people's lives are worse than cancer. They love attention and feeling like someone actually cares. 'My life is an endless void' and 'Won't the pain ever stop?' are two popular phrases of this type. Also known as Emobookers.
The I-want-to-be-friends-with-all-of-Facebook - These guys are the masters of the mouse. A professional IWTBFWIOF can add up to sixteen friends a second. Sometimes, if they are desperate, they will delete you as a friend so they can add you again. Facebook's new tools that help you find friends is like life support to them.
The Grammar POW - The Grammar Prisoners of War are one of the most frustrating. They feed off txt speak and incorrect punctuation. Grammar Nazi's are on the constant lookout if they have a Grammar POW as a friend. Their posts range from 'Your awesome' to 'man ders nutin 2 do 2day'.
The Weirdos - These guys don't usually post anything, rather they just read your posts and constantly look at your photos. You may start up a conversation with them and they will mention something you posted a year ago. That's creepy.
The Twitcher - Unlike many other Facebook users, when away from a computer they don't feel the need to touch it. But when they happen to stumble across an open internet page, they will post up to 100 musings an hour, to fill you up on their lives. They then retreat and come back in a month or two.
The Hesitant - This person is badgered into making an account by their friend or family member, and will post something once a year. Profile picture never changes.
The Paparazzi - This person tends to be a party animal, attending many functions and taking pictures every five seconds. Doesn't tend to post too much, and lets their photography do the talking. Adds pictures constantly and can have up to 500 photos on their profile, many of which include pictures you never knew were taken of you.
The Confuser - This person will often have posts such as 'It's always there' or 'Was he right?'. These obscure posts often frustrate people and lead to angry comments. These people attempt to sound mysterious, but they're really kind of weird.
The Smoker - Named after a smoker's addiction, this person suffers withdrawal symptoms if they haven't logged into Facebook for longer than 24 hours. They will often buy a phone that has Facebook capability even if there is nothing wrong with the other one. They don't necessarily constantly update their status but are always available for Facebook chat. They will answer on Facebook more often then their home phone.
The Gamer - Spams your wall with updated on their Farmville, Mafia Wars and any other (s)hit Facebook game achievements. Sends constant requests to join in on their 'fun'. Receives either love or hate from friends.
The Awkward Parents - No need for an explanation.
So now you know the different kinds of people on Facebook. You probably already knew this somewhere in your brain, but it's better to see it in writing. It is likely you will have one or more of these people as a friend, so try to avoid them. Unless you like them. Good luck with that! Now, off to stalk some people.
For some Facebook Fails, visit www.failbooking.com
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